If Jeremy Corbyn is a craft ale, what does that make David Cameron? – The Guardian

Liam Byrne’s description of Jeremy Corbyn as a “craft ale” might have been well-intentioned – “authentic with strong flavours” – but it was also hopelessly off the mark, both as a metaphor for the message Byrne was trying to convey and for Corbyn himself.

Say craft beer and most people think genteel nerdery: someone with the time and dedication to devote themselves to the subtleties of the micro-breweries. The only possible crossover between Corbyn and a craft beer is that both might be described as “specialist tastes”. To me, Corbyn looks like a man who might put value before taste: a man who would wander up to CostCutter and buy four Polish beers on special offer at £1.99. Happy memories of his motorcycle trip in the old Eastern bloc and all that.

But which drinks resemble other prominent politicians?

David Cameron

The temptation to find a bottle of wine with a pig in the name is irresistible. Almost. I’m sure there must be a South African or Australian wine somewhere called the Posh Percy Pig. But really the prime minister is more of a cheap prosecco kind of guy. Slips down easily but totally forgettable and leaves you wishing you hadn’t bothered.

Tim Farron

To have heard the new Lib Dem leader’s speech at their annual conference in Bournemouth was to have attended a revivalist meeting. Just close your eyes and pray hard enough and the Lib Dems will be back in office in 2020. As long as you didn’t examine the detail, it was almost convincing. So only one drink will do for Tim: Vin Santo (holy wine).

Nicola Sturgeon

No cheap Scottish gags about Buckfast Tonic for the leader of the SNP. Sturgeon has one of the sharpest political brains in the country and is used to getting her own way. Putting her head to head against Vladimir Putin over a couple of bottles of Stolichnaya would be an interesting contest. My bet is that it would end with Russia handing over Crimea to Scotland.

George Osborne pulls a pint of beer in 2014.


George Osborne pulls a pint of beer in 2014. Photograph: Getty Images

George Osborne

Strychnine? Arsenic? The chancellor seems to thrive on almost everything that is completely toxic to anyone else: a remarkable asset for any politician. He will almost certainly also be bringing back something guaranteed to give you alcohol poisoning from China this weekend. And possibly also radioactive.

Nigel Farage

If you thought the Ukip leader was a more likely craft beer man, then think again. Craft beer requires time, preparation and a certain amount of thought: none of which are Nigel’s long suits. Any old bitter – as long as it’s English – will do just fine.

Boris Johnson

This hasn’t been a happy few months for the mayor of London. As the Tories’ fortunes have risen, so his have fallen and his chances of being the next Conservative leader now look remote. So while he might have started the summer on vintage champagne, he’s probably more of an Absinthe man. What better way to forget?

Ed Miliband

Chuck out all those little umbrellas he had to stick in his shadow cabinet’s cocktails, the former leader of the Labour party is now his own man. Free to grow a craft beer-friendly beard and knock back anything that’s on special offer from Waitrose to his heart’s content. A Cabernet Sauvignon winebox? That will do nicely.